My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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