What a fucking waste of an outfit
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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