This dress was meant to end up on your floor
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
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in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
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Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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