he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
