hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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