I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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