so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
