Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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