holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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