areolas are like halos for boobs.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
