She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
