College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
