I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
