He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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