Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
