if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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