i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
