I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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