Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
