Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
