I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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