Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
