I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
