She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Randomize
