im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
