I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
