I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
