am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
