i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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