marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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