my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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