Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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