its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
