He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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