My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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