do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
