Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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