I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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