as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
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The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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