i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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