why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
