Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
