I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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