it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We talked him into tasing himself.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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