from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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