I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
