How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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