Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
