i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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