woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
