youre lurking in front of me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
