I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
