my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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