Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
