Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
