Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
