You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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