I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
This toilet bowl is my home.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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