party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
