i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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