i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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