Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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