just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
