I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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