Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
