i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize