i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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