So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I am available for nakedness
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
