You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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