It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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