I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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