so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Drunk is a universal language darling
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
