Whod you bang
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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