I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
