evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize