It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
