and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
