come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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