thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
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I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
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Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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