Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
God, I missed his penis.
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