I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
love makes seman taste better
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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