it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
