Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
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What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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