You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
